50 years ago this week the now-famous Stonewall riots were erupting in New York City after police raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay venue in the Greenwich Village.  50 years is a long time.  It has been long enough to move me from “oblivious” to “activist”. 

I may have been traveling from Thailand to New York City at the time, going through Cairo and Rome.  That may be why I did not hear a word about the riots.  There is no explanation, however, about why we did not hear about them when we arrived in NYC and stayed in Morningside Heights for 3 days at the end of June to visit mission headquarters at 475 Riverside Drive.  I was oblivious.

1968-9 was a time of violent protests following the deaths of Martin Luther King, Jr. and Robert Kennedy: Watts, Washington DC, Chicago, Paris, Chicago again, Berkeley, Columbus University.  Those were massive insurrections against the establishment.  Stonewall was small.  Stonewall was also by and about being gay, while the “real issue” was civil rights for African-Americans.

Still, I have been pondering why I missed noticing the one violent event that set in motion a movement that changed my life.  I think I have a handle on my personal trajectory of discovery.

1965 – I tried to find the best resources on homosexuality, and they all declared that it was a complex matter of choices.  Diversion was the best response to those urges.

1967 – I realized in a blinding moment I was powerless over the urges, which “would destroy my career, my reputation, and my future” if I did not take the “only effective deterrent action” and get married.

1973 – The Presbyterian Church and medical societies began to publish studies that altered the view that homosexuality is a mental illness.

1990 – I found solid scientific confirmation of the view that being gay is not a matter of choice.  At the same time none of the therapies had worked, not “prayer and fasting,” counseling, a 12-step program, nor any of several others.

2000 – I was put on a new track, not heteronormative, but not radical.  It didn’t work.  I entered a relationship with a gay man.  That worked. 

2003 – I “came out” as Kinsey 5, bi-gay, but decided I was too old and too far from the USA to fight for my job as a missionary-pastor without the Presbyterian Church yet willing to stand with me.  So I began a new career as a university administrator.  My opportunities for activities in the church evaporated.

2009 – My spouse and I got married in Iowa.  We moved to our new home in a village in North Thailand, declared our house a safe-space for gay people to escape if needed.  I began to write for a gay magazine and became active with LGBT advocacy groups.

2012 – I published a book of anecdotes and stories about gay experiences of Thai people.  Pramote and I are part of the only identified gay group in our valley.

In my life I have been an enthusiastic Christian leader, a US civil rights activist, and an LGBT advocate.  Two of the three at any one time are the most I have managed.

Meanwhile, since Stonewall there has been a huge change in the wider world.  We can say that until Stonewall there was widespread agreement that being gay and lesbian was wrong.  All over the world it was thought to be wrong and decriminalization was barely begun.  How it was wrong and what to do about it were unclear.

About half-way through the half-century, opinion began to shift on the part of officials and authorities. Churches as well as governments began to come to grips with the reality that LGBT people are a valid, sustained, and significant minority.  Opposition to this began to be energized.

Throughout the past 25 years LGBT presence and legitimacy has become the battleground in a world-wide culture war.  That war has many fronts, but a lightning-rod drawing first fire on most fronts is something to do with us who are LGBTQIK+ … our right to be married, our right to be equal, or our right to be.
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Still, that should not blind us to the fact that we have made progress.  The world is immensely different since the time men rushed out of the courtroom where Oscar Wilde was being tried, to vomit in the street.  Our humanity and our universal presence are widely recognized.  The Pope insisted yesterday that we are people (that’s Papal progress for you).  I won’t be pessimistic despite what’s going on in Russia, Kenya, or Indonesia. Killing has started again, but the opposition is losing more battles than they are winning.  Their resorting to violence is a sign of their desperation, more than anything.

Pride month is ending.  Some of the biggest pride events in history have taken place.  More than a dozen cities had Pride Parades for the first time.  India took stunning steps this year.  Taiwan has legalized a form of gay marriage, the first in Asia.  None of these things would have happened without Stonewall.

"What Makes Thai Buddhism So Strong," is the often over-looked participation of temple communities in community-wide celebrations and events.  The most powerful ones are the deepest secrets of village temple culture.  From a theological anthropologist's perspective they are secrets in that they cannot be fully explained except in mythic and symbolic terms, some of which are outside Buddhist doctrine.
 
The most persuasive examples of the strength of Thai Buddhist Religion here in Chiang Mai are ceremonial occasions that draw people from virtually every household in a temple community as well as a large number of people from elsewhere.  Support for those events is dependable and consistent.  At the same time, the rationale for the events is paradoxical, with accommodation for traditional suspicions and beliefs that have little to do with Buddhist doctrine and narrative, but have incorporated Buddhist priests and involve key Buddhist symbols and structures.
 
After decades of observing this, I have come to six tentative conclusions:
 
1.Thai Buddhists are instructed by narratives about incidents in the life of the Lord Buddha, which are re-enacted in Buddhist ceremonies in ways that edify and empower temple communities.

2.The most profound and best attended ceremonies also resonate with references to archetypes in the temple community’s collective unconscious.

3.In Thai Buddhist religious practices there is an embracing of life’s mysteries and realities along with a renunciation of them.  This paradox is both mystifying and satisfying.

4.Funerals are the most frequent events to call forth community involvement, to mitigate the loss, and restore cosmic order.

5.Temples are both community gathering places, as well as axial columns in which representations of the Lord Buddha function in ways indicative of independence and dominance.  That is, some structures are somehow alive and signify the Lord Buddha’s imminence.

6.The motivation to participate in events is that participation is expected and valuable, and merit is earned for oneself and can be transferred to express filial devotion.
 
[On July 4, 2019 from 9:30 to 11 a.m. I will provide a PAYAP PRESENTS illustrated lecture on this topic under the auspices of Payap University’s Institute of Religion Culture and Peace, in the International College building on Payap’s main Mae Kao Campus (right behind the chapel).  The program is free of charge and open to the public, and you are invited to attend.  Following that, a 16 page article entitled “Why Thai Buddhism Is So Strong” will be available on this website. You may request an e-copy now to be sent in July.]

The INSIGHT

We can choose what to believe about ourselves.

There come moments when we defy the boundaries in which we are cocooned.  No matter how encumbered by gravity or circumstances, on occasion we soar.  It does not matter as much that our flights will not last, as that they prove we are capable of astonishment.  From our first weightless instant we are not defined by what we are bound to do almost all the time, but by the infinite capability we have to be astounding.  The mundane does not give us meaning any more.
 
The DANCER

We can choose how to consider him.

Almost all the time he appears earthbound, poised, balanced and potential.  He has amazing grace, but that is not the mode we remember.  We know him little, not what are his dreams and what besides gravity he has had to overcome.  But we know he can leap and for an instant fly.
 
The DIVER

We can choose to anticipate his plunge and splash or we can focus on his ecstasy.
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He must have confidence that comes from knowing he can handle what comes next, but for an instant he is suffused with joy.   

                                                        These are my people.
                                                           I am one of them.
 
James (I will call him) arrived in Thailand looking for a job and a place to live.  Being a young college graduate “native speaker of English” with a willingness to integrate into an environment strange to him, he applied for a teaching position in several schools.  He took the most attractive offer after wisely visiting the school and meeting his new bosses.  As with any new career the learning curve was steep at first.  Within a few months James reckoned he’d stay another year.  Besides he’d met Oi, a colleague who taught in the same school and whose family lived nearby.  During year 3, James and Oi decided on marriage.  It consisted in a string-tying ceremony and wedding dinner and had no church service, which mildly perplexed James.  It was just about then that James’s identity confusion began.  It came into focus for him with a set of doubts about what and who he was NOT.  He was not a native speaker of Thai, he was not a native of the place he was living, he was not a citizen of Thailand but an “alien” with a visa and passport, he was not sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life teaching English to children, he was not ready to be a father.  On the other hand he was a husband and lover, accepted as a member of an extended family it was going to take time to get to know, a fast language learner, a successful and satisfied employee of a school with a good reputation, and he had his family’s admiration and blessing from back home.  Resolution of the question of where James belonged came after year four when James realized he now belonged in two places.  This understanding was greatly enhanced by the arrival of little Gai who, despite her small size, completely changed James’s life.   
 
Refugees, migrant workers, asylum seekers, military, students, retirees, missionaries, cross-cultural married couples, adoptees, international business and industry personnel, foreign service staff, medical migrants, displaced persons, scholars, drifters, back-packers, tourists, researchers, merchants and sales personnel … what they may have in common is travel involving living apart from where they were born.  A perplexing common experience is bewilderment about belonging.  This can be compounded if the people around them are confused or anguished about the newcomers.

This essay reflects on ways people know they are part of a social group.  I suggest it is good to remember these principles as we participate in discussions, sometimes heated unnecessarily, about who has a right to be among us, and where we have a right to be.  This short series of blog-essays begins with a list of explanations about ways that social bonding happens. Note, the following definitions are not only about residency, but about membership in various types of social groups.  Two more blog-essays are projected to follow, one a month.    
 
Social membership is indicated by definition, description and designation.
 
Aspects of social bonding:

1. sworn loyalty
2. emotional affinity
3. legal designation
4. genetic relationship
5. community consensus
6. shared endeavors
7. physical presence

 
Physical presence – One indication that “These are my people; I am one of them,” is being physically present (e.g. resident or in attendance).  Regularity and persistence reinforce this designation.
            Physical presence is one of several indicators of membership in a social construction. It tends to be less deniable as time goes on.  People are incorporated by longevity.
            My residence in Ban Den Village tends to prove I am one of the people of this village.
                A fellow from Europe built a house for his Thai family here in the village, but he is here only 2 or 3 months at a time.  His identity is ambiguous for he is neither a resident nor a tourist.  This does not seem to bother anyone.  We all know him and have a category for him.  
 
Emotional affinity – A sense of strong attachment and identification with a group is sometimes sufficient proof of one’s attachment and inclusion in the group.  Similarly, a lack of emotional connection, especially if there is a lack of respect for the group’s values and traditions, is proof to the contrary.

            One does not have to have unconditional love for everything and everyone in order to feel strongly connected.  Significantly, more is needed than just psychological attraction to validate one’s belonging.  Yet, without that, there is doubt about the authenticity and sustainability of one’s membership.

            Our granddaughter feels so strongly attached to Thai people and culture that she would like to describe herself as Thai.  She was born and grew to young adulthood in Thailand.  Her passport asserts she is a United States citizen.  It does not begin to tell the whole truth.

                More than one ex-pat living here in Thailand fails this test of full affiliation.  Profiling and stereotyping habits of speech are clues that bonding has not happened.  What keeps such people here with people they neither respect nor trust must be other factors, among which are often convenience and economic privilege.

                When I returned to my college alma mater it didn’t take long to realize I was a visitor rather than a member of that college society.  The old buildings and pathways were familiar but the people were all new.  A couple of my classmates had retained their ties to the college through visits, donations, and membership on boards, but my emotional affinity was severed.  What I have left is nostalgia.  
 
Shared endeavors – Participation in a group’s undertaking, particularly by sharing the group’s core activities regularly, is often adequate to constitute one’s link to the group.

            There is no ritual to become a Northern Thai Buddhist; rather a person is a part of the temple fellowship by participating in temple events as other people are doing.

                Alumni associations supposedly composed of all graduates of an academic institution are spurious unless there is actual response from alumni.  The same principle applies to unincorporated villages and neighborhood associations.  However, just being resident, conforming to minimal community standards (e.g. keeping weeds under control), and leaving other people alone may be sufficient to fulfill the definition of membership.

                In our village there is an “onion growers’ association” comprised of only some of the onion farmers.  The rest do not attend meetings or apply for benefits, so they are not members.
 
Genetic relationship – A major and undeniable indicator “that these are my people” is being part of the family and its associations, especially when the connection is genetic (by “blood” and DNA).  Hardly anybody can be denied affiliation if the group is composed of people born into it.  Therefore, being attached otherwise (as by adoption or marriage) generally involves specific rites or processes.

            In fact, if people are selected for membership rather than inherit a right to it, the group generally has to specify that requirement, as Christian churches do.  On the other hand, in certain religious traditions genetic issues take precedence over almost all others.  It can be said, “Being born into a family (and the larger social constructs in which the family is included) prove one’s right to belong, by definition.”

            Thai society is socially stratified and geographically segregated, but specified membership in groups is generally an imported concept.  Examples are local Chinese Chambers of Commerce, Rotary Clubs, and the like.  Attempts to form other types of associations, fraternities, and unions do not often succeed over long term in Thailand, unless there are over-riding benefits (as in the case of credit unions, military officer clubs, and golf clubs). 
 
Sworn loyalty – The most common entryway into membership in a closed group is by making a pledge of affiliation.  These oaths are formal.

            Swearing loyalty and associated promises (often monetary) are control mechanisms used by groups to limit access of new members based on the group’s own perceived best interests (rather than the desires of the applicant).

            In cases of citizenship, one generally needs to acquire a working knowledge of key patriotic symbols to display dedication and sincerity.  It is expected that this loyalty will be strong enough that the new citizen will willingly make sacrifices equivalent to native citizens when called upon to do so.
                One of the most “useful” filters of membership in “exclusive societies” is elevated membership fees.  Throughout most of my time in Thailand, access to elite schools required a substantial donation along with the application form, followed by high tuition and other fees.   This optimized the likelihood that children of the social elite would grow up with children similarly endowed.  Exclusive clubs obstruct access by also charging exorbitant membership fees.  Obviously, money is an alternative to other less concrete promises.
               
Legal designation – To preclude any question of validity, groups with constituted memberships and vested authority can, by various acts, designate who has rights and responsibilities of membership.  Membership thus designated cannot be subsequently deprived except by the constituted group acting with the same authority.  Even individual members must ordinarily take particular action to withdraw from membership.

            Citizenship in a country (or a component part of a country such as a municipality), for example, is designated by law.  Such laws are basically restrictive; keeping people out and limiting their prerogatives is the essential purpose.  Other persons than citizens within the boundaries of a country are also subject to legal designation (i.e. as “travelers” / “non-immigrants” etc.).

                One of the contentious issues of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries is a general trend toward overruling local consensus by regional and national action.  At the extreme, ethnic-cleansing and genocide are the result.  Currently the USA is engaged in another round of authoritarian controls and restrictions of access.  It is one of the bases of President Trump’s popularity with his political support group that he is building a wall, impounding alien children at the border, deporting “illegals” rather than facilitating their acquiring citizenship, and enacting surveillance never before endured except in time of declared war.

                In Thailand the process of acquiring citizenship is daunting and often expensive, although recent recognition of residency over more than one generation, or pertinent genetic relationship to a Thai citizen have made it easier to acquire citizenship documents.  When it was noticed that the boys trapped in the flooded cave a year ago were not Thai citizens, these provisions were called on to speed up their acquisition of citizenship and travel documents. 
 
Community consensus – The most abstract but potent factor indicating a social bond is general agreement within the community about individuals’ affiliation.

            An alien resident may be a vital part of a community if there is general agreement about that.  On the other hand, some individuals remain “outsiders” despite fulfilling other requirements.
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            A key episode in the film “The Ugly American” shows South East Asian villagers protectively surrounding an American with whom they had bonded when a communist unit tried to abduct him.  The power of community acceptance is not to be discounted, nor is it to be taken for granted.  It is just as likely that aliens will be reported and abandoned when it is to the advantage of members of the community to do so.  This happens routinely when tyrannical regimes attain power.
                When a village treasurer “misappropriated” (i.e. stole) funds, the village consensus turned against the family, insisting they move away.  To make the point, the village turned off water and electricity to their house.  In other cultures, of course, such abuse of trust would be subject to legal prosecution.
 
Blessed are you if you have many ways of belonging where you are, and none conspire against you.