Who’s in Charge of Gay Marriage?

Instructions: follow the trail of your inclinations and see where it leads.  If I were really clever I’d have made this interactive just for the fun of it.  Another format would be a witty flow-chart.  Being tech-challenged and a teacher for the past 50 years the best I could come up with was this old-fashioned form used by generations of opinion surveys.

Begin with question 1.  Decide on which of the two options you most agree with and then go to either question 2 or question 7 as instructed.  If you get lost or bored, just jump to question 15.  Also if you wind up going around in religious circles coming back to question 1 again and again, jump to question 15.   

1. What does marriage do?
   
   
• Marriage creates a sacred relationship.  (Go to 2)
  
  
• Marriage creates a social relationship.  (Go to 7)
  
  
2. Who defines the sacred relationship?
   
   
• The Church does.  (Go to 3)
  
  
• Society does.  (Go to 7)
  
  
• The individuals getting married do.  (Go to 10)
  
  
3. What is the Church’s definition of the sacred relationship made by a marriage?
   
   
• It is a family consisting of one man, one woman and their children, if any.  (Go to 4)
  
  
• It is a family as described by social consent.  (Go to 7)
  
  
• It is a family as described by law.  (Go to 12)
  
  
4. What happens if the family dissolves?
   
   
• Through the death of a spouse  (Go to 5)
  
  
• Through divorce  (Go to 6)
  
  
5. When a spouse dies
   
   
• The marriage is eternal.  [The marriage has not ended.]
  
  
• The surviving spouse does not re-marry.  [Widowhood is the end of marriage as we know it.]
  
  
• The surviving spouse can re-marry.  (Go to 1 again)
  
  
6. What about divorce?
   
   
• Divorce is not permitted.  [You are still married no matter what the law says]
  
  
• Divorce is permitted but not re-marriage.  [You are bound to celibacy.]
  
  
• Divorce is permitted and so is re-marriage.  [Go to 1 again]
  
  
7. Who defines the social relationship of a marriage?
   
   
• It is defined by traditions and customs of the society involved.  (Go to 8)
  
  
• It is defined by the individuals themselves or by their primary social unit (e.g. family, clan, friends).  (Go to 10)
  
  
8. What if the people getting married are from different cultures?
   
   
• They settle on one culture or the other so it becomes as if they are of the same culture.  (Go to 9)
  
  
• They submerge at least some cultural expectations.  (Go to 9)
  
  
9. What if the people getting married disagree with aspects of their cultural tradition with regard to marriage?
   
   
• They live in the culture as cultural variants.  (Go to 10)
  
  
• They compromise.  (Go to 14)
  
  
• They seek to find allies to bring about cultural change.  (Go to 14)
  
  
10. Are there consequences that result from individuals being the sole authority on what their marriage is?
    
    
• There are no important reasons not to go your own way.  (Go your own way)
  
  
• There are legal issues to be negotiated.  (Go to 11)
  
  
11. In what way are legal bodies involved with marriage?
    
    
• Governments have taken over the right to describe marriage.  (Go to 12)
  
  
12. What is the real underlying basis for governments to control marriage?
    
    
• They define marriage in order to assign responsibilities under the law and allocate social benefits.  (Go to 13)
  
  
• They recognize that marriage is a contentious issue, and if it is not controlled social and political unrest may erupt.  (Go to 13)
  
  
13. Are we satisfied with the way our government is defining marriage and family?
    
    
• One option is to be satisfied with the definitions of marriage inasmuch as the legal results are fair for us in the majority.  (Go to 16)
  
  
• Another option is to be quiet about how the government is dealing with our type of marriage because there’s nothing we can do that might not make matters worse for us in the minority.  (Go to 14)
  
  
• Another option is to seek cultural or legal change despite the fact that the change is opposed by large, powerful entities.  (Go to 14)
  
  
14. How does cultural change come about?
    
    
• The best way is to wait for a younger, less conservative generation to come along who are already in favor of the changes.  (Go to 15)
  
  
• The best way is to mandate particular actions by law that bring about justice, and society will more quickly come to accept the change.  (Go to 16)
  
  
15. Several younger generations have already revolutionized marriage in almost all Western cultures by redefining how permanent it is, when it begins, and who has any say at all in who will get married.  There is still a measure of uncertainty about how long it will take for today’s younger generation to get into power and how firm will be their will to include same-sex couples in the new definitions of marriage and family.  (Go to 16)
    
    
16. That is what the marriage equality movement is trying to address.  Gay marriage is the issue of the day.  It is a step toward equality and freedom for persons of diverse genders.  Equality and freedom are the long-term goals.